She thinks she's funny

My little cutie told me today "Your eyes look very brown." I replied, "Your eyes look very blue." Then she came back with this little ditty:

Your eyes look very brown,

My eyes look very blue,

My eyes look like the ocean,

Your eyes look like poo.

Poet in the making?

And then there's.....

the honeymoon. A sunset cruise. Can you tell I just finished swimming?

Some nights we get to giggling,

that daughter of mine and I. Last night there was just too much silliness, one of those nights where neither of us could stop laughing. Finally, between her giggles, she took a deep breath and said, "you're awfully cracker uppery tonight." I've never laughed harder. Sometimes, when you're a mom, you have to be silly and you have to add new words to your vocabulary. Cracker uppery. Yup, that's me.

I was warned

by one of my blogging buddies to be careful about what I write in the title line of my blog because it may bring in visitors that I'd rather not meet. So I've been careful. BUT, it seems that it's not just the title line that brings people in.

I wrote one sentence about watching a famous tv journalist, anchor, news reader, whatever you want to call him, with the last name Cooper. Well, about 30 people came for a visit via a search engine looking for Mr. Cooper. Then, I wrote a sentence about how my son didn't want me to vote for a particular local candidate for senator. Again, several people came for a visit. One even left a comment about how wrong my son was that had to be deleted.

Today, someone came by via a different search engine looking for "elsie's boobs." I don't even know what to think about that, but I can assure you that he/she wasn't looking for me. It's a strange world out there. I can't wait to see what the future might bring.

Me and My Shadow

My kids were my shadows for a long time. They've both become more independent and seem to need me less and less each day. But I have another "kid," or so it feels sometimes, who is my shadow still.

He seems to need me more and more each day. I can't go anywhere without him. He follows my every move. I stand. He stands. I leave the room. He leaves the room. You get the picture. His name is Hershey, but he's called lots of other things: Poodle Boy, Hersh Man, Dog, Puppy, just to name a few. The kids named him, and I think it's kind of cute (named after their favorite brand of chocolate instead of the usual brown dogs names like Cocoa). He's loveable, but dopey, which is annoying because we got him after lots of research. Poodles were supposed to be so smart. Oh, well. He weighs 85 pounds, which isn't bad, except he thinks he belongs on my lap most of the time.

Woman's best friend. He's been helping me to lose weight. I've lost quite a bit recently :) Hershey's always happy to help finish off a good meal. The problem is that a few people have been commenting on how thin I'm becoming but how fat he's getting. So far, no one has made the connection. I've got to stop feeding him people food, but when he gives me those eyes.... And besides, it helps to skip a couple of bites at each meal.

He's very protective. Once, a couple of years ago, I broke my ankle while walking him. I dropped the leash and he started running (he's the amazing escape artist). I knew something was horribly wrong right away, but was more upset that I'd lose him. I think it must have been the tone of my voice, but when I called, he came streaking back to me. He walked circles around me until I could calmly figure out what to do. It was early evening in the middle of winter, and I was home alone, now outside in the freezing cold, on my butt. How could I get back to the house? Wonder dog let me put my full weight on him and hop all the way back. I would have been outside for hours if not for him. I almost changed his name that day to Lassie.

He's also always been a trouble maker. He's eaten everything you could possibly imagine. He's tall enough to reach anything left anywhere, so now everything must be put away away. No leaving a loaf of bread or a cake on the counter. He easily chows them down in a couple of minutes. He once opened a bottle of kids' tylenol (grape and tasty) and drank the entire thing, causing me great distress and an emergency run to the pharmacy for the ipecac. Spent the next few hours with him in the bathroom while he (it's too gross to write down). You'd have thought I was in danger of losing one of my children if you'd seen how upset that scene made me. I'm pretty sure that's what the pharmacist thought when I came flying in, cutting in front of people in line (not my usual behavior), screaming "Where's the ipecac?"

My favorite Hershman story (unfortunately, I wasn't there to witness it) is when one day my husband and kids took him to City Park. He got loose (just another easy escape) and decided to visit everyone else at the park. That was until he got a whiff of someone's delicious pizza picnic. According to all reports, Hershey went running at full speed toward a nice (thankfully) couple enjoying their lunch at a picnic table. Hershey grabbed the last slice in one fell swoop while running past their table. He never even broke his stride. Just kept right on running while chowing down the last of the nice couple's lunch. The kids said the man seemed a little angry but that the woman "laughed her head off." My husband was left to sheepishly offer to get another pizza, but they politely declined. Only Hershey could pull off that maneuver and still have folks thinking how cute he is.

One of my favorite things about my dopey poodle is that he listens to everything I say. He's generally obedient -- for me, that is. He drives my husband crazy. Hubby will say, "sit." Hershey looks at him as if to say, "are you going to make me?" Then he'll look at me. I will say, "sit," and he can't get his bum to the floor fast enough. Same thing for the commands, "come, stay, down," etc. Just the other night he took off again. I was in the house but could hear the commotion. "COME." "Hershey, COME." Then I hear my daughter say, "Let's just go get mom." Hubby replies, "No, he'll come." Then just a minute or two later hubby says, "Okay, go get mom." I come to the door, call the dog, and he raced into the house as fast as his four legs could carry him. Hubby was pretty mad. I loved it (but that's just another one of my secrets I don't usually share). It's reminiscent of the "baby days" when kids naturally prefer mom to dad (I secretly loved those, too).

I could go on and on about how great, yet stupid, my Hersh Man is. I'll leave that for another day when I'll tell the story of how much our cat, Lily Black, loves that Poodle Boy.

I wish everyone could have a dog as dopey as mine.

I'm not sure that this is accurate.....

but it seems pretty close to me.

"Because I Said So"

The words I always said I'd never say.......I said. What's a mom to do?

Some days

you've just got to laugh. Today I laughed until my face hurt. It was good.

My brother is an amazing man.

He used to be a wild boy, so wild that my parents used to pray that he would live to adulthood. With much love and guidance, he did. And now he amazes me as much as our father does.

My brother's wife and children are Jewish. His godmother is Lebanese. You'd think that it would put him in an awkward position, but it doesn't. Both of these women have grown to love each other over the years. But at times like these, when news from the Mid-East is not good, I wonder what it feels like to be him.

His son had his Bar Mitzvah just a couple of weeks ago. My nephew asked me, my husband, and our kids to all do a reading. My children read "A Prayer for Our Country." They are 11 and 8. They were nervous, but did a great job. Considering recent events and that our family manages to still love each other despite our differences, I thought it fitting to share just a small part of that prayer.

• "May this land, under Your Providence, be an influence for good throughout the world, uniting all people in peace and freedom -- helping them to fulfill the vision of Your prophet: 'Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they experience war any more.' And let us say: Amen."

Amen.

I've never thought of myself

as a deep thinker. I do, however, think a lot. Too much, sometimes. Most of these thoughts just pop up out of nowhere. Perhaps that's why they seem so inane. And since they often pop into my mind at warp speed, they're usually completely unrelated, too. The brain is a fascinating thing.

Some of my most recent, inane, unrelated thoughts:

Why is it that you never see a muscular man wearing a "muscle shirt?" It's always some fat guy who should know better. And the fact that, for some bizarre reason, they're now called "wife beaters" should make all men decide to never wear one.

Is my daughter really the most beautiful girl in the world, or is it just my world?

Why, when I love most foods, are there some that I just can't eat because of their texture? Jello? Fiddleheads? Okra? Raw oysters? Ugh.

Why does my 85 lb. dog feel like he weighs double that when he insists upon sitting on my lap?

My doctor is the only person in the world, other than me, who knows how much I really weigh.

Why can kids get away with saying things that adults would never consider saying? And why do I think it's cute? A few examples: "I hope when I'm a grown-up I look just like you............without the double chin." "You used to be skinny, then you were fat (pregnant), now you're medium." "Mrs. C., I know you're a way lot older than my mom, but you sure don't act it." "My mom dyes her hair to make it the same color as mine" leaving me to explain that my hair was, in fact, the same color as hers until it started turning sssshhh...gray. And my all-time favorite "Mom, why do so many of the other moms have blue lines all over their legs, but yours are just nice and smooth?"

Why, no matter how hard I try to be a cool Auntie, can I not learn to like hip-hop/rap? I just can't find anything redeeming about it. I'm not too fond of country either, but when traveling to the south I can get into the spirit of it.

Why is my 11-year-old son suddenly asking me to not shop at Wal-Mart (when I don't shop there anyway), to buy only organic food, and to please not vote for Sheldon Whitehouse in the next election? Where did my baby go?

Why, oh why, do news programs constantly scroll those words along the bottom of the screen? Don't they know I can't do two things at once (watch and read)? Last night after everyone was asleep (no news when kids are awake), I decided to watch a little Anderson Cooper and ended up reading all that junk at the bottom of the screen. Today, I couldn't even tell you what Mr. Cooper was talking about.

Why is it okay when your own kid spits, snots, or vomits on you, but if someone else does it, it's enough to make you spit, snot or vomit yourself?

Why does my list of places I'd like to go keep getting longer instead of shorter?

Ditto for the list of things I'd like to do.

Why can you take the girl out of marketing, but can't take marketing out of the girl? The secret is out. Yup, that's my "capitalist pig" background.

Why do I feel comfortable telling total (or not so total), virtual strangers the parts of my life that I would never discuss with anyone in my real life?

Just a few things I think about. There's a million more, equally inane and inconsequential. But I still think about them anyway.

And the winner is.....

Just wanted to point out that my man Donald received an Emmy nomination this morning for Lead Actor in a Mini-Series. How I did not know he was in a mini series is beyond me, but now I have something to look forward to (I must find it). I must also recognize Kiefer for his nomination for 24. A chip off the old block. This made my whole day!

I have a secret crush....

not so secret anymore, after this weekend. Lots of time spent with family and friends. Yesterday we had a friend over who (I'm trying) we hadn't seen in nine or ten years. Then a bunch of my husband's college buddies came by to see her, too -- a reunion of sorts. It was great. Lots of kids, too. All the guys waited until they were somewhat older to have kids, so there were a bunch the same age as ours. That rarely happens. Nice for everyone. Good food. Kids splashing about the pool. Great weather. Just the perfect family day.

People talk. Smart people are usually interesting (this was a group of exceptionally intelligent people). Then they drank. I didn't. I was the official lifeguard by this time.

And they talk. And the talk goes from how the economy of Brazil affects the economy of Argentina to Brad and Angelina. You know who I'm talking about. And, quite frankly, I'm sick of hearing it. I don't even think Brad is that handsome (I'll admit to admiring his abs just a bit). I don't care what People says. So since I disagree, of course, I'm pressed to say who I think is sexy. And I tell the truth. I've had a crush ever since I can remember. "Donald Sutherland."

Well there's a resounding "no way." Yup, can't help it. And I don't think it's weird at all. I thought it was strange that not one woman said, "oh yeah." I've never really been attracted physically to conventionally handsome men. I've never thought that most movie stars were that great. I always thought the men I've known were "hotter" than some guy on a screen. "Ain't nothing like the real thing." But Donald Sutherland, he's another matter. I can't even tell you why. There's just always been something about him. I was mighty upset when "Commander in Chief" was cancelled. I didn't really care for the show that much, but I watched anyway -- for my Donald. My friends tried to convince me to switch from Donald to Keifer. Geeze. That'll never happen. I've never even seen 24, which a couple of friends insisted is the best show on TV. I'm glad Keifer is successful. Donald must be very proud. And I'm sticking to him.

That's my biggest secret. And now that it's out, I feel so much better. They can make fun of me all they want. He's my crush and I'm sticking to him. Donald Sutherland............aaaahhh.