Site Meter Elsie's Space: "Just Gross"
Location: New England, United States

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

"Just Gross"

We're in the planning stage for the big birthday party. Daughter has been preparing the guest list. "No boys?" "No. Boys are just gross."

Last week boys were cool. Now they're gross. I understand completely. Her comment made me laugh (on the inside) because on that very day I had the same thought about big boys. The weather was gorgeous. I was at the bank drive-thru. Windows open. Music almost blasting. The guy in the next lane was also obviously enjoying the day. Windows open. Music blasting. Spring Fever had definitely hit. Then something else car that is. The guy "hawked a loogie" right out his window, right onto my car. How disgusting can a guy get? The guttural, snotty sounds emanating from this guy's window called attention to him, and I looked over just in time to see the phlegm fly from his mouth. He saw me see him. Smiled. Shrugged his shoulders. Mouthed "sorry." I don't believe I smiled back. Did he get out of his car to wipe his DNA from mine? No. Did I drive home gagging? Yes. Did I immediately get out the hose? Yes. Ugh. Here's my question. What is it with men? I can't tell you how many times I've seen a guy in a parking lot get out of his car and spit. You don't see women spitting. Is there some sort of innate need to spit if you're loaded with testosterone?

And nose picking? What's up with that? Nose picking while driving must be outlawed. Do men not realize that windows are transparent. All the world can see you while you've got your finger shoved up your nose. And, heaven forbid, in an accident aren't you worried that you'll poke your little brain out the top of your little head?

And then there's the smell. Last week I went into the playroom where son was hanging out with his friends. The smell was... let's leave it as unpleasant. I made a comment which was met with peals of laughter. Turns out the boys had been having a contest to see who could produce the worst smell. I couldn't tell you who won as the competition was obviously very close. They all gave it their best effort. I do not understand what's so funny about it. And why am I surprised to see my boy reveling in that disgusting behavior?

And of course there's the whole hand washing thing. I realize that I might have OCD tendencies, washing my hands more times in a day than most people do but, in my opinion and that of most medical professionals, washing your hands after using the rest room is necessary one hundred percent of the time. And I know lots of men who don't do it (don't ask how I know, I just know). I want to tell ya, the thought of meeting a strange man and shaking his hand after his hand may have been shaking something else and not been washed gives me the heebie jeebies.

Yes, women can probably be as disgusting as men can be. We, however, know how to be discreet. When a man gets a wedgie, he picks his butt no matter where he might be. Women politely excuse themselves to run to the rest room to pick their butts in private.

Sigh. My son is now displaying some of the ultimate gross boy behavior. Guess he's becoming a real man. "Just Gross." And he's not invited to the party.


Anonymous Winston said...

Wow, you scorched all of us! But not all are quite so gross, or maybe some of us are hmmm... more discreet than others. Cut us some slack here. There are some women I have known with some quite disgusting habits. Present company excluded, of course.

Somewhere in my anus... uh... annals, there is a little ditty I'll try to find that properly explains all this...

You and your daughter are correct, of course, when you say that men and boys are gross. Guilty as charged...

4:14 PM  
Anonymous Winston said...

Yeah, here it is:

(big grin)

4:20 PM  
Blogger Elsie said...

Now, Winston. You know I never would include you in that. And I did acknowledge that women can be just as gross, but we're discreet about it. I confess, women spit -- but only into a tissue with which we cleanse our children's faces (talk about gross). As for the rest... well that's fodder for another day.

And about your post -- very funny. And about your comment "brash yankee women" -- I believe that's the southern gentleman's way of saying bitchy. Suppose I deserve that after the thrashing I gave men today. Call us even?

7:44 PM  
Blogger MaryB said...

Yes, I've never understood the spitting thing, either, Elsie? Do guys have more saliva than we do? I don't get the urge to spit all the time!

AND the hand-washing. You KNOW they don't do it, you just know it! I just hate shaking hands with men. Always have the urge to wash my own hands afterwards. Bless their hearts.

Winston, none of this applies to YOU, of course.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Jack in Paris said...

I don't get it.

What's the problem?

4:56 AM  
Blogger Elsie said...

I knew you'd understand, Mary.

Jack, no problem, just gross ;)

6:58 AM  
Anonymous Winston said...

My guess is the spitting thing is an ancient habit that has to do with territorial marking, similar to dogs peeing on trees. Somewhere in the past I wrote about men spitting in urinals and commodes. Most do it and are not even aware of it. It is in the DNA patterns. But it still signifies that "I claim this as my own. It is mine and nobody else's. At least until I'm done with it. So back off, Jack!"

And it may be less a mark of temporal ownership and more just a marker to say "I was here."

Well, that's my theory and I'm sticking with it.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Joy Des Jardins said...

"Spitting and picking and smelling....oh my."

Actually you got me with 'hawked a loogie.' The visual 'ooged me out.'

And not washing hands....not cool. I wonder what the gents would have on their lists about us perfect beings. Winston??

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Winston said...

Joy said, "I wonder what the gents would have on their lists about us perfect beings. Winston??"

No way am I going there! I may not be the brightest bulb in the room, but I ain't totally stupid, either. Besides, the list would be far longer than I could cover here in this little comment box on Elsie's Space...

3:03 PM  
Blogger Elsie said...

Winston, interesting theory. So you admit you spit?

Joy, you crack me up!

Back to Winston. I'm sure I could help you with the list. I never said that women were perfect, just a lot less gross than most men. I've got more than my share of flaws, they just don't include spitting, picking, farting and all those other manly "ings."

11:54 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Elder Son has the habit of telling us when he's going to the toilet and what he's going for, and then when he comes back, how it was. When I grumble, he says it's healthy. Men eh!

So unlike us Scarlett O'Haras! Actually I only learned how to burp a couple of years ago. That was the result of sharing an office with two young WOMEN! Youngsters today just don't have our sensibilities - and a good thing too in many ways.

5:50 PM  

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