What is this supposed to be?

An androgenous space creature? A member of the Blue Man Group? And why did someone mail it to me?

I'll tell you. It's a birthday card. Several weeks early. I'm having one of those birthdays that end in "5" which I suppose is better than one ending in "0," but I still don't like it. And just in case I'm not feeling old enough as it is (and I'm feeling plenty old these days), here's the message inside:

"Happy Birthday to You! Now is a great time to schedule your annual gynecological exam, Pap smear, professional breast exam, or sceening mammogram now that you're 40 or older. Planning for your preventive health needs is important, and it's also the best birthday present you can give yourself."

Well, happy birthday to me! But there's more! On the opposite page of the card is a list of "General Screening and Immunization Guidelines for Women Ages 40 - 49." And to top it all off -- it just gets better and better -- on the back is a number to call their "Health Information Library with more than 1,100 audiotaped health information topics including:

Menopause: A Normal Life Change
Osteoporosis
Mammography"

Okay, so the card came from my health insurance provider. I understand their position on preventive medicine. But to send this information to me disguised as a birthday card pisses me off. I thought they wanted me to feel good about myself, but no, they want to remind me just how old a bat I am.

That's all I can take for today. I am who I am. Happy Birthday to me.