Rhymes with Itchy
(This one is for the girls, with my sincerest apologies to any man who wanders by)
What do I have to be itchy about? Thanksgiving was great!! Life is good. All things considered, there's not much to itch about. Then again, there's always something. And here it is.
During the past few weeks, I have been hot. And I mean HOT. What's so bad about being hot, you wonder? Well it's not as if I've been receiving compliments "You're so hot, baby." That would be fine. That would be great! But I've been getting hotter and hotter and hotter. I've been waking up in the middle of the night because I'm so damned hot. Sweating, actually. Yup. It appears that the time has come for me to join my sisters in night sweats hotter than hell. The other morning I awoke wearing nothing. Naked. Perfectly okay with me, normally, but on this morning I couldn't remember going to bed without clothing or taking my clothing off. I looked at husband who was looking back at me. He obviously realized that I was naked (not that he minded) and I sheepishly admitted to not remembering what must have been a passionate night for us. "Do you think I've got early onset Alzheimer's?" I asked. He laughed, a deep belly laugh, and said, "In the middle of the night you sat up, yelled 'It's SOOOOOOOO hot!" and ripped your nightgown off and threw it across the room. Then you put your head back on the pillow and went back to sleep." I looked across the room, and sure enough there was my nightgown crumpled up on the floor next to the door. How could I not remember that (though it's certainly better than not remembering other things, I suppose)?!! Now Husband thinks this is all pretty funny. I am not laughing. It is uncomfortable. The sweat is disgusting. I feel old.
But that's not the worst part. The same day, yes the very same day, I got my period. Now what the hell is up with that? Hot flashes and cramps all at the same time?!!! Is this God's idea of a joke? Well it's not funny. I'd rather be pregnant.
Itchy. Itchy. Itchy.
What do I have to be itchy about? Thanksgiving was great!! Life is good. All things considered, there's not much to itch about. Then again, there's always something. And here it is.
During the past few weeks, I have been hot. And I mean HOT. What's so bad about being hot, you wonder? Well it's not as if I've been receiving compliments "You're so hot, baby." That would be fine. That would be great! But I've been getting hotter and hotter and hotter. I've been waking up in the middle of the night because I'm so damned hot. Sweating, actually. Yup. It appears that the time has come for me to join my sisters in night sweats hotter than hell. The other morning I awoke wearing nothing. Naked. Perfectly okay with me, normally, but on this morning I couldn't remember going to bed without clothing or taking my clothing off. I looked at husband who was looking back at me. He obviously realized that I was naked (not that he minded) and I sheepishly admitted to not remembering what must have been a passionate night for us. "Do you think I've got early onset Alzheimer's?" I asked. He laughed, a deep belly laugh, and said, "In the middle of the night you sat up, yelled 'It's SOOOOOOOO hot!" and ripped your nightgown off and threw it across the room. Then you put your head back on the pillow and went back to sleep." I looked across the room, and sure enough there was my nightgown crumpled up on the floor next to the door. How could I not remember that (though it's certainly better than not remembering other things, I suppose)?!! Now Husband thinks this is all pretty funny. I am not laughing. It is uncomfortable. The sweat is disgusting. I feel old.
But that's not the worst part. The same day, yes the very same day, I got my period. Now what the hell is up with that? Hot flashes and cramps all at the same time?!!! Is this God's idea of a joke? Well it's not funny. I'd rather be pregnant.
Itchy. Itchy. Itchy.
posted by Elsie | 7:04 AM
6 Comments:
No matter what I say here, it will either BE wrong or interpreted wrongly. Having said that, I'll say something anyway... foot in mouth syndrome, which I am known for...
You are indeed HOT, baby!
OR... Too early for ...whisper... The Change? Have you changed your diet or drinking habits? Changed laundry detergent? Got new jammies or nightgown that is too warm for the season or too itchy against your baby smooth skin? Guilty about something? Mad about something? Madly desiring something you can't have? Running a fever? Had the house treated for pests?
If none of the above, then just accept that you really are one HOT mama!
Winston,
Too early for THE CHANGE... maybe, but I think this is the start of something.
Changed diet, drink, detergent? Nope.
New jammies? No
Guilty? Probably
Mad about something? Perhaps
Madly desiring something I can't have? Don't we all?
Fever? No
Pests? None but the dog.
A hot mama? Thanks, but I think I'm just plain hot.
;)
Welcome to our world, Elsie!
You'll find that's the way it happens: you get attacked from both ends at once (so to speak), pre-menstrual and pre-menopausal coming at you from all angles.
You're much too young though. I don't think the forgetting is a problem: you were asleep. Although the menopause does that too ...
All I hope is that husband took suitable advantage of your early morning state of undress!
And, hey, accept Winston's compliment! You are a hot mama!
Yeah, kinda like having wrinkles and pimples at the same time. Sigh. Totally unfair.
Hotness can be bothersome when uncalled for. How old are you, by the way?
Liz, thanks for thinking I'm too young. According to the doc, perimenopause can start as early as mid-thirties. I guess that, technically, I am not yet menopausal, but perimenopausal. Either way, it stinks!
Mary, I never thought of it that way! More to look forward to? No zits yet, fortunately!
Rhea, hotness is bothersome and uncalled for at the ripe old age of 46!
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